Leaving
by Traveler07
Summary: Set after/during Deathwish: Cal finds out that the Auphe can sense where he is and decides that he will leave and try to defeat the Auphe on his own without risking Niko's life.
1. Choices

**Please Read!:**

**Hello! So I have been working on this idea for a new story. Basically the premise is that after Cal finds out that he can sense the Auphe and that they can sense him instead of coming up with the plan to destroy them he decides to leave and try to figure out a way to do it on his own. I have been toying with the idea for a while and I thought I would give this a shot. If not many people are interested I won't keep going with it but I figured it was worth a try just to see. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Rob Thurman

* * *

I was leaning against the window watching the rain.

The white noise it provided was kind of calming. I liked the rain. For someone who hates being cold it didn't make any sense, but I did. I felt the coolness of the window seep through the layer of my hair and creep across my cheek. It was a nice cold though, a refreshing one. A cold of life not of death.

I snorted, who knew a little water would make such a sentimental son of a bitch. I watched the patterns the rain made as it hit the window and then trickled down. It always picked a different path, never the same one. I bet Niko knew why. I didn't ask him though, swear to God you ask that guy one simple question and he'll explain the way the whole damn world works. Well, he would to me at least. Any opportunity he had to make me learn he took advantage of.

"Cal, it would be very prudent of you to make use of this lull to clean your weapons." Ah, there he was. Big brother, he just didn't know how to relax.

I resisted the urge to laugh. Only Niko could make a word like 'prudent' sound threatening. Though I guess Niko could make anything sound threatening. I rolled my head against the window so the coolness was directly on my forehead. I stood there for a moment longer before reluctantly moving to get the cleaner. Ignoring Niko was only a good idea if you wanted to die a painful death, or in my case get my ass kicked to kingdom come.

I scanned the room for a moment.

"Where the hell did we put that shit anyways?" I said petulantly, swiping at the hair that the window had stuck to my cheek.

"That 'shit' is right in front of you on the counter." I glared at him and saw that the cleaner was in fact sitting right in plain sight. Damn, I must really be distracted. I couldn't afford to be distracted, though I definitely had a right to be.

When we had gotten back to Rafferty's place I had told him of the new… ability that I had developed.

I could sense the Auphe, and I would bet my life that they could sense me too. I plunked the cleaner down on the table began to lay out my weapons. The trouble was, could I bet the people I cared about lives on it? Could I bet Niko's life on it? I wish I would never have to gamble with his life, but this time his chances would probably be higher if I left. Well, if I left and he didn't try to follow, and that would be the real shitty part. I didn't know how I could keep him from following me. I didn't know if I was even strong enough to try and keep him from following.

I glanced up for a moment and saw him focusing intently on cleaning his weapons. When we were lying in that field he said that he would die with me, and I didn't doubt that for one second. I knew that he wouldn't live without me just like he knew that I wouldn't live without him… but maybe it didn't have to be that way.

Niko was the only person I loved. Yeah, I liked Goodfellow and Promise was Niko's and she made him happy so I liked her too, but Niko was the only one I really couldn't live without. Niko though… Niko loved Promise and he was closer to Goodfellow than I was. He also had a future, he had other things that he could be doing… that he wanted to do rather than take care of his half demon little brother. As long as he knew I was alive he could be okay without me. His whole world didn't revolve around me like mine did him.

"Whatever you are thinking I can guarantee that you are wrong." His voice shook me out of my thoughts and I glanced up at him. I should have known better than to think about this stuff when he was right there. He always knew. I wasn't sure if it was a big brother thing or a Niko thing… probably both.

"Right, these weapons will just get dirty again, I shouldn't clean them." What? I wasn't avoiding the subject….

"You can't distract me… and stop avoiding the subject." Damn. Fucking mind reading older brothers.

"I can't read your mind you're merely very predictable." I could hear the humor in his voice, and as disgruntled as I was I wasn't so surprised. Bastard.

"Asshole." I tried to kick his ankle under the table but he moved to quickly and pinned mine to the ground instead.

"There is a response I didn't see coming." Niko's voice was full of dry humor. How was it that he always seemed to get the upper hand? I pulled my foot out from under his and decided that brooding silence was the way to go on this one. I bent down and went back to cleaning my weapons. Yeah, I was sure showing him.

"Silence, good choice. A wise man once said; 'it is better to keep your mouth shut and let them think that you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove that you are'."

That was fucking it.

I dove over the table (a move reminiscent of the great cereal debacle after Abby) and took him to the ground.

*#*#*#*#*#*#

I lay in one of Raferty's hospital beds and held an ice pack to my knee. Niko was currently in a real bedroom injury-less and with a hot vampire chick. Bastard. Life was so unfair.

My knee wasn't really hurt, Nik would never seriously injure me much less when the Auphe were hanging around, but the ice helped with the soreness. Though I would never admit it to him I'm pretty sure that I did most of the damage myself when we both hit the tile after I lunged at him. Whatever, it was still Niko's fault.

My mind wandered back to the original problem. Do I stay or do I go? I tried to clear my head of the back beat I automatically put to those words. I was going to be pissed if I got that song stuck in my head. Anyways, I knew which one was the right choice. I knew which choice was better for Niko. The question now was whether or not I had the cojones to do it. The fact that I was thinking not said a lot of shit about my character… but at least it was shit I already knew.

I closed my eyes and tried to think about it. What I would say to him, where I would go. I didn't have a real plan, but I needed one and fast.

I could feel two Auphe out in the woods… watching. They wouldn't always be watching. If I were to leave, which I should, I would have to convince Niko and Promise to run somewhere else, where the Auphe couldn't find them and didn't already know where they were. This shit kept getting more and more complicated.

I*#*#*#*#*#*#

I woke up feeling like hell, because I slept like hell, because I had a dream about hell. It was all kind of organically unified if you thought about it. I didn't because my head was pounding like a bitch.

I had decided I was going to do it. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared as fuck. I had no plan other than to leave and I new this was going to hurt Niko… that I was going to hurt Niko. I wasn't naïve enough to think he'd agree but I hope that he'll understand enough to let me do this.

Yeah, here's for hoping.

I strolled into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. Great, it was pre-Niko hours of the morning, which meant it was still dark out and every sane creature was still holed up and sleeping. Ah well, I never really counted myself as a sane creature anyways.

I rubbed my hands together to warm them up, it was cold as fuck in this place, and made some coffee so black it practically swallowed all the light around it. I tried not to think about the fact that I had nowhere to go and so I would probably be cold all the time soon. Thoughts like that tended to make my resolve waver for some reason. Go figure.

"Cal." I resisted the urge to jump in surprise. I hadn't heard Niko coming at all… not the pad of sock covered feet against tile, not the sound of breathing, not the creak of the floor… not like that was a shocker, this was Niko after all. What I did hear was something much more ominous. I wish I didn't recognize that tone of voice. He knew something was up and he also knew I had been choosing not to tell him. Niko was not walking away from this talk without answers.

I gripped my cup tighter for a moment to try and stop the shaking. It didn't help. I set the cup down still half full of its almost black hole contents and turned to face Nik, and my decision. Now was the time. The clock has buzzed, I had lost and overtime was not an option… damn it I hated sports metaphors. I was nervous as hell and babbling mentally like I was possessed…. Huh, maybe not the best comparison.

"Cal?" I made myself look at him and tried to stem the mental babbling. If I was going to do this to both of us I had to at least look at him. I had to do this right… or as right as something like this could be done.

I forced my eyes to his face. His worried tone matched the look on his face. The fact that his concern was showing served as evidence to how freaked out he actually was. It was understandable. I had been acting weird as hell lately. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out a way to start off this conversation.

Why not dive right in? The hell with pussy footing around it.

"I'm leaving."

"No."

… that went well. Shit wasn't I just the emperor of eloquence, I should have gone with the pussy footing. Well I had just pissed my bed and now was time to lie in it. I stood straighter and kept eye contact. I wouldn't fold so easily on this one. He was too close to the situation to see it clearly. I was his one and only blind spot. I ignored the little voice in the back of my head shouting 'hypocrite!'. Listening to voices in your head was never a good idea anyways.

"You're serious aren't you?" He studied my eyes carefully and seemed surprised by what he saw. I wondered what they looked like right about now. If it was anything like how I felt then they must have looked like chaos incarnate. I was flipping between determination and despair faster than a bipolar kid off meds.

I didn't answer the question, we both knew it was rhetorical anyways. There was no way that he would willingly let me go and there was no way I was going to stay. Stalemate. Usually I gave in, but I wouldn't this time. I couldn't let myself… for Niko.

"No."

Niko seemed at loss for words. Well, he lost all the rest of them except 'no' apparently. I understood, I almost couldn't believe I was doing this either. I felt like my heart had dropped into my gut and my stomach acids were doing their best to dissolve it and throw it up. I gripped the counter behind me harder to try and stop my shaking hands. It wasn't helping. Nothing could now.

"I have to Nik, they know where I am. They will always know where I am." My voice was shaking as badly as my hands. Damn it.

"So you're going to die?" The disbelief had faded now, took a back seat to a new stronger emotion. Now he sounded angry. Actually pissed as hell would be more accurate. His eyes were the grey of steel and he was doing nothing to hide what he felt. I resisted the urge to just listen to him like I had done almost all my life.

"No Nik, I'm not going to go die. I wouldn't do that to you. You know that." That couldn't be my voice. It sounded much to small to be my voice.

"I thought I did. If you leave they will find you and they will take you back there. I know that you would never let that happen, you would die first. You aren't planning on living long and you think being separated from me will make it easier for me." His body was tense and somehow he had gotten much closer to me. I could almost feel the ice cold chill of his anger. It didn't surprise me that he knew the end game. Niko always knew. I just wished that he hadn't.

"I won't let you leave." He said seeming to calm down more now. That was odd, it was unlike Nik to forget to factor in all the details. I slid farther away from him down the counter and he let me, feeling more in control now.

"You can't stop me Nik." I watched comprehension flash across his face and quickly put on a mask of calm that seemed to cover his entire body. I wasn't fooled for a second. I could tell that he was ready to grab for me if I tried to travel. If he was touching me than he would just end up coming with me. I couldn't let that happen.

"This isn't an automatic death sentence. I'm going to try. I will try and find a way to beat them, and if I can then I will come back. You know why I have to go Nik. This is all on me, and I'm not your whole damn world anymore Nik. You have Promise and Goodfellow and you have a future. You can do this without me. All kids have to grow up and move out sometime, and it's about damn time I stopped being such a child and took some responsibility for this."

That was a long speech, and now that I had said what I had needed to it was time to go. I hoped that he would understand eventually, but I also wasn't that stupid or optimistic.

"I'll find you." He had gotten closer to me again and I backed up the same amount. I needed to go, he was going to grab me soon and then he could probably talk me out of it. Because everything inside of me was rebelling at the idea of leaving him. He was all I had ever known and I didn't want to be alone anymore.

I didn't want to die.

I took a deep breath. This wasn't about what I wanted, hell it wasn't even about what he wanted. It was about me finally doing something for him once in my whole fucking life. I had never done anything good for him or sacrificed for him, and now it was time for me to step up and do it.

"And I can just leave again. Don't follow me Nik. I'll let you see me every once in a while so that you know I'm okay. Don't fight me on this you know it makes sense." I felt my gut twist and the words felt like bile coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with my older brother. I didn't want to fight the Auphe alone.

"Don't." No one but me would recognize that for what it was… but I did and I wished more than anything that I didn't. It was a plea. He was pleading with me and I was going to hurt him.

"I'm sorry Nik." Sorry, what a fucking useless word. It didn't mean anything, it only meant that I was leaving.

I felt my gut twist again, part in disgust with my self and despair at leaving Niko and partly as I felt the gate rip its way out of me. I saw Niko lunge for me just a moment too slowly…

Then the grey light took me away from my brother again. Only this time it really was my fault.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? Keep going? Nice try but no dice? Dear God what have I just wasted my life reading? ;) let me know!**

**Thank you!**


	2. Operation Fuck My Life

Hello! Alright, I decided that enough people are interested that I am going to continue writing this. Here is the deal, I keep writing you keep reading, because as fun as it is to write for yourself it is a heck of a lot more fun to write to other people. I don't want this to fizzle out so I'll just stop writing if no one is interested by the time I get farther in. Awesome, good times.

Anyways, so throughout this story I will switch back and forth between Cal and Niko POV but I will always give you a warning before I just change it up on you guys like that, so no worries. I hope you guys like it! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Robin Thurman.

* * *

Cal POV

I felt out of the sky four feet above the ground in a fairly secluded part of central park. I didn't bother putting my hands out to stop myself. Instead I just lie their face down on the damp grass trying not to think about what I had just done. I had done a good thing right? I was growing up and being good for Niko. Wasn't I? If it was such a good act then why did I feel like shit?

I took a deep breath and almost coughed at how strong the smell of wet grass was. I reluctantly rolled over onto my back and stared up at the grey weeping sky. Weeping sky, Jesus I've been without Nik for about thirty seconds and already I'm exhibiting signs of psychosis…. Then again I suppose I've always been exhibiting signs of psychosis.

I closed my eyes to keep the icy rain from getting into my eyes and wondered if Niko was fairing any better than I was. I wasn't an idiot, I knew that he was going to come looking for me and I'd bet my life (not a huge wager but you bet what you got) that he was going to start combing central park for me first. Big brother just knew me like that. So now I had to figure out how not to think like me so Niko wouldn't know what I was thinking… I hope he hadn't thought of that, though I think he would have thought that since he seems to always know the thoughts I'm thinking.

Wait… what?

Okay moving on. Plan, I needed a plan…. And I had no fucking idea where to start. Nik was always the plan guy, I was the run-in-guns-blazing-and-get-my-ass-handed-to-me guy.

Nik…

I felt my gut twist in on itself and begin to ache, it was a feeling I had begun to associate with the fabric of the universe being torn, and it was being torn now, only I wasn't going anywhere and nothing was arriving here. I had done it, I had left Niko for his own good or some fucked up shit like that and now here I was lying out in the middle of nowhere with no plan and an aching hole where my brother used to be.

So far so fucking good.

I pressed my now sopping wet and ice cold fingers to my eyes. I needed to stop thinking like this or I would fold. I needed to stop being such a selfish ass and think about someone else for once. This was worth it. Niko was worth it. He was worth anything and everything. I knew that, everything inside me knew that but this was still hard as hell. There was still a howling fourteen year old boy inside me screaming for his brother willing to trade anything to see him again. But that boy was young and selfish and I couldn't afford to be him anymore, Niko couldn't afford me being him anymore.

I let that thought wash over me. It lent strength to an empty body and I managed to push myself up off the ground. I stood on the slippery earth feeling the cool damp grass brush against my toes. Great no shoes. This is why I wasn't the plan guy. Four seconds in and already something had gone awry. Shit I needed to stop thinking like this.

I needed to keep myself occupied or I'd never make it through this. Now was the time for planning. I watched my hands curl into fists, my skin blanched paper white by the cold and the pressure. I had made my choice, and it was a good one, now all I had to do was stick to it.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my frigid hands over my face.

Okay step one. I needed somewhere to go where Niko couldn't find me and preferably somewhere that wasn't ice fucking cold. It had to be somewhere that even if the Auphe did find me there, no one would be around to get hurt. I could only gate places I'd been before which sucked because Niko was definitely going to search those places.

"Fuck."

Yeah, no better word to express my current situation. I was fucked. I decided I might as well go back to that damn trailer park that I disappeared from all those years ago. It was far enough away that I could be long gone before Niko even started on his way there. I tried to think it through but hell, it's not like I had anywhere else to go anyways. Why not head there? Okay, here goes step one.

I felt my gut twist again for what I hoped was the last time today and embraced that weird ass falling feeling that was traveling. I tried to pretend that I didn't enjoy it, and it worked. I was ace at lying to myself.

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#

Niko POV

I stood in the empty kitchen staring at the vacant space where my brother was just a moment ago.

Vacant, empty, gone.

I allowed myself a moment of disbelief: a second to stare incredulously at the place where Cal had just disappeared in a hellish grey light. Then the moment passed and a new emotion clawed its way out of my gut and into my chest cavity. The new feeling was a mixture of many things, despair, betrayal, disbelief, fear, and anger. The anger wasn't the strongest of them by any means but I focused on it anyways. I wouldn't be able to think as clearly if I dwelled on any of the others.

Anger. I let it fill me. How could he? He just left, he didn't give me a choice in the matter, he was doing what he thought was best for me without my permission. I ignored the small part of me that was whispering; hypocrite. That was my right as big brother, not Cal's. Besides, he was being a fool. Where did he think this was going to end? Did he seriously think that I would ever stop chasing him and trying to protect him? Did he imagine that because I had Promise and Goodfellow how I felt about him had somehow changed? He wasn't going to change the outcome of this story, he was only making the path harder. Somehow, Cal always managed to make the path harder.

Those questions were only a small part of my anger, the real anger was directed elsewhere. How could I not have known that he was actually going to go through with this? I knew that he had thought about it before, thought himself weak because he couldn't but I didn't address the problem. I merely told Cal that he couldn't leave and that I would find him if he did, I never told him why he shouldn't. Retrospect and hindsight are cruel in their clarity, but now was not the time for dwelling. Now was the time for doing.

Now, what to do?

Ah, and therein lies the crux. I could find him, certainly. The instant he left a part of my brain had already started compiling a list of all the places he might go and ordering them in the list according to the likelihood that he would go there first. The problem was that once I found him I didn't know how I was going to keep him. How was I going to keep from losing him again.

I felt the air seep from my lungs as though someone had crushed the air from them. I had lost my little brother again and I was once again helpless to do anything about it. It was almost déjà vu.

All my training and studying and here I was helpless again, unable to save my brother.

Before I even realized what I was doing my fist was through the plaster in the wall. My knuckles burned as the wall cracked and parted beneath my fist. I pulled my fist from the newly created hole and fought to bottle up the despair and anger and keep them from escaping. Neither would help me now. I needed a plan.

I would bring him back. Failure was not an option and this time I didn't have to sit in the ashes of an old trailer useless and waiting on fate to deal me a hand. This time I could play and I wouldn't let anything or anyone, even Cal, keep me from bringing him back to me.

This couldn't be it. There were so many things that I had to tell him. I had to let him know that even if I came to love a hundred other people it would never lessen my love for him. I had to let him know that I didn't think that he was dragging me down. I had to let him know that if I had a choice right now, that I would never choose another life without him in it. I had to let him know that the benefits of raising him far outweighed even the presence of the Auphe.

I had thought that he knew these things before, but apparently I had been wrong. I couldn't let him keep going on not knowing these things.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to press the last thought out of my head.

_I couldn't let him die not knowing these things._

Cal was not going to die. I wouldn't let it happen. I refused.

I heard Promise lingering in the hallway, probably unsure if I wanted to be approached given I had just punched a hole in the wall. I was glad she was awake though. We had to go get Goodfellow and tell him we were leaving Rafferty's. The Auphe had an eye on this place and with Cal gone they could attack at any time. Cal would shatter if they managed to kill any of us, and I wouldn't let that happen.

We would have to find a new place, but for now I had more important things to do. Cal could be anywhere faster than the blink of an eye. He could travel instantaneously. How can one be faster than instantaneous? If they already know where to be, if they are one step ahead.

It was time to talk to Georgina, and this time the burning desperation in my chest wouldn't be able to take no for an answer.

*#*#*#*#*#*#

Cal POV

I had found a shitty abandoned building in the old city that our trailer was located next to. It was a shit hole and it was drafty as hell but at least it was a place. I could work with this. I glanced around once more at the concave floor, the depilated ceiling and the trash and broken furniture that littered the place…. And work I would.

I sighed. How the hell did I get myself into these situations anyways?

Okay, part one of operation 'fuck my life' was complete. Time for part two… what the hell was part two supposed to be again? I sat down and slouched over against the wall. Right, part two was 'destroy those Auphe bastards'. That sounded good. Now all I needed was a miracle and a nuclear bomb… shit. Maybe I should take up praying, it seemed like my best shot at the moment.

I shifted against the chipping concrete wall and tried not to think about how my clothes were freezing cold and wetter than the fucking ocean. So, status update: I am currently sitting in a fucking freezing building with fucking freezing cold clothes on and no fucking supplies and no fucking clue how I was supposed to accomplish my more holey by the minute fucking plan.

Fuck.

I looked down at my bare feet. I hadn't even brought any shoes. I was in no way prepared to leave this early. But it happened and whining like a bitch wasn't going to fix it so I needed to get my shit together and come up with a viable plan.

Okay… how was I going to defeat the Auphe? Sure Niko and I had been trying to figure this one out for eighteen years straight but hey, you never knew.

I couldn't take them on as a group, that was suicide… actually much worse than suicide but I was going to lose it if I started thinking about that again and panicking was about as helpful as Niko when he was trying to talk circles around something.

Right, so my other option was pick them off one by one. A good theory and my best shot, but how in the hell was I going to do that? I would have to hone this sense that I had and use it to track them down when they were alone and then travel before the others could gate in to help. Easy as pie. Except for the fact that I had no idea how to get them alone, I was shit for tracking unless it involved my nose, and even taking on one Auphe was a fucking terrifying idea. If I ever needed proof that I was psychotic, and I didn't, this was it. I was chasing down the monsters now; that was worse than suicidal. But I guess love makes you do crazy shit and all that trite babble, I supposed it just helped if you were already crazy to begin with.

My plan sucked, a statement that I think beat out even Niko for understatement of the year, but it was all I had and until some better idea flicked the light switch to my dusty ass mental light bulb (highly unlikely) this was the official plan.

Right. Operation "Fuck My Life" part two, "What's the Worst That Could Happen?". Damn, I needed to get cleverer titles stat. The whining needed to stop, even if it was only in my head now. Now was time to do this, no more messing around, no more turning back. This was it.

I would have to move from place to place frequently so they couldn't sense me, I didn't know what their range was so the farther the better. The Auphe probably still thought I was in New York so that is where I'd hunt.

I clenched my fists as I felt determination wash over me strong and sure. Game time was over, now I had to go pro.

God Damn.

Fucking sports metaphors.

* * *

Aw, who doesn't love a little whiny sarcastic Cal?

I hoped that you guys liked it and that you keep reading. Let me know how you feel! :)


	3. The Importance of Socks

Hello people! Here is the next installment. I'm sorry that it took sooo long. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Robin Thurman.

* * *

Cal POV

I woke up feeling like shit. My muscles were sore from being tensed against the cold all night and my head had fallen to the side giving me a god awful crick. And that wasn't even the worst part. I had just realized that in my genius plan now dubbed "Operation Fuck My Life" I had forgotten to get weapons. So now I was on my own on a hard ass floor without my brother, without any weapons, and with no idea how to start the Auphe hunting.

How the hell do I get myself into these situations? I realize I bitch about my life a lot but Jesus my life _was _a bitch, what else was I supposed to do about it? Now that I was done cataloging the most relevant of my life disasters I decided it was time to get the hell up and get on with it.

I pulled myself off the cool concrete floor and rolled the muscles in my neck and shoulders to try and release some of the tension. It didn't work. I scowled down at my shoeless feet and tried to wriggle my toes. They were numb with the cold because like a fucking genius I hadn't taken socks, shoes, more clothes, or- most importantly- any fucking weapons. Maybe I should just forget this whole "defeat the Auphe" thing and join the circus. I shuddered at the thought, remembering why I couldn't join the circus. Fucking clowns. I had a brief mental debate about whether I'd rather fight clowns or the Auphe. Eh, too tough of a decision. I shook the image of an Auphe in clown makeup out of my head, Jesus that's enough to make the devil himself piss his pants.

Okay, enough with the mental rambling, I needed to get my hands on some serious fire power, and fast. I wonder if any street vendors sell missile launchers? I huffed, it wouldn't matter because like the shoes, socks, weapons, and apparently sense I had also neglected to bring any money.

Operation "Fuck My Life" was definitely living up to its name.

Okay, seriously I had to stop with the bitching. First things first, I needed to head back to New York and find a pointy toy… or an explosive one, I'm not particularly picky when it comes to destruction. I mentally ran a list of all the ways I could get weapons. I knew that Rafferty had some at his place, but it was dangerous as hell to go there. Nik was probably long gone but the Auphe could still be keeping an eye on the place… then again I suppose that was the point. But if there was more than one I was dead as a fucking door nail. Delilah might be willing to lend me some, but she'd tell Nik if I visited her, because Nik would ask and he would know if she was lying. Nik always knew when people were lying one of his increasingly large number of extra senses. He was just about as human as I was. Freaky son of a bitch. Was it weird that I meant that affectionately? I decided not to dwell on it.

Right. Rafferty's was my only option. Hopefully they left some food there too. I'm fucking starving.

I felt the gate form in my gut, it felt weird mixed with the hunger pains and when I ripped the gate into Rafferty's the vertigo was worse than usual. I landed on my feet and took a deep breath as I steadied myself. My empty stomach roiled uncomfortably for a moment before I got control of the urge to blow chunks… not like there was much to throw up since I hadn't eaten anything in hours.

As soon as the world stopped tilting beneath my feet I closed my eyes and felt for the Auphe. The air seemed clear for as far as I could sense. Not that that was particularly comforting because I couldn't sense very far and the Auphe could travel across dimensions in the blink of an eye. Yeah, nothing to worry about at all.

I wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. I ran to Rafferty's back room and ripped open his drawer. Silently apologizing to Raff I pulled out all of his clothes and searched for the tab on the bottom of the wooden drawer.

Yes. Bingo!

The drawer popped open with a light click and I was suddenly staring at a beautiful array of weaponry. I pulled out a dagger knife and then a crude looking weapon that was long for a knife or short for a sword. I tossed it around in my hand for a moment before taking it. It was crude and vicious but hell so was I. Match made in heaven and all that bullshit.

I spotted a gun hidden off in the back and felt a savage smile split my face. I pulled out the clip to make sure it was loaded before jamming it back in. The clicking noise seemed uncomfortably loud in Rafferty's silent house. I paused for a moment to let my senses fan out. I couldn't sense the Auphe and though the place still smelled like Nik it was an old scent. He wasn't waiting here for me.

There was no one in this house but me.

Still, for some reason my whole body was tense like I was geared up for a fight. Shit, this was creepy as hell. I stood up to go to the kitchen, I was just going to grab some food and get the hell out of this joint. There was no time for dawdling… haha "dawdling"…

My foot kicked something soft and it rolled gently across a pile of Rafferty's clothes. Hey! Socks! Damn, I had never been so happy to see some ugly ass used to be white socks in my whole life. I plopped down and quickly pulled those Godsends on. Halle fucking lujah.

I pulled open the cabinet to search for some food when I felt it. It was only the ghost of a feeling, a shadow of what I felt when I tore the universe, but it was still so many times worse. My heart stuttered and I whipped around to see Rafferty's kitchen bleed gray as the air suddenly became colder.

Then it was here. Its clear filaments of hair hung down over its face. Its magma eyes full of glee as it smiled and showed me an arsenal of a thousand gleaming metal teeth frothing with saliva. I grabbed for my knife, it somehow felt a lot less comforting than it did just a moment ago.

It's claws clicked together as it moved its hands. I resisted the urge to run. I had to do this. This is what I wanted. No more waiting around passively waiting for them to kill me and worse; everyone that I cared about.

I made the first move, lunging at it. The gleaming edge of my knife heading for that hideous metal grin.

*#*#*#*#*#*#*

Niko POV

All that power to help and she did nothing with it.

I will never understand Georgina King. She sat across from me telling me about the universe and all that "que sera sera" bullshit she was constantly throwing at me instead of useful information. I don't know why I though it would be profitable to come here, George had rarely ever helped us before and never with something huge. This was a waste of time, a waste of the time I could be using to search out Cal and that was unacceptable.

I stood up while she was still talking, spouting nonsense about the way things were meant to be. It was all lies, it had to be, because if we were all assigned a certain fate, a certain role to play than what was the point in living at all. If it was all mapped out then our choices meant nothing and who we were meant nothing and I couldn't accept that. Cal made choices every day not to be a monster, not to accept the Auphe genes that constantly tried to fight to the surface, and I couldn't believe that it all meant nothing. I wouldn't believe that, and so I didn't believe Georgina either.

I turned and headed towards the door.

"Niko, please." She was hurting. Georgina had the incredible weight of the knowledge of the world on her, but somehow I couldn't dredge up any sympathy for her. I suppose that said something about my character.

"It doesn't matter George. You won't help us no matter how much I ask. Cal and I are just like any other people to you among billions of others. I suppose you believe that you aren't able to choose to help us. It doesn't matter why you won't, but you won't, so I am done here."

I didn't turn as I spoke to her. I couldn't look at her as I spoke to her so cruelly. Perhaps it was unfair of me, but despite what Cal may think I believe that fair is an overrated concept. I walked away from her without looking back.

"Niko, stop." I managed the courage to turn and face her. Courage, what a funny thing I had so much in the face of death yet it seemed to desert me when I was to face this little red headed girl.

"Cal he… he's at Rafferty's right now." I felt relief run through me. He had returned, hopefully he had seen the foolishness of his plan, good then he wouldn't try to run again. In my distraction I almost didn't notice the look on Georgina's face. Her small face was contorted in a grimace and she was tugging worriedly on a springy red curl.

Ah, of course. The "but", there is always the "but".

"But it won't make a difference in the long run you know. Things are going to end how they have to end." She was crying now, her face hidden behind her hands.

"I don't care about what his fate is. I choose to save him and I won't let anything happen to him, and that is our future." I refused to entertain the thought that I was in denial. My choices and my brother's choices meant something, and I refused to give up on him.

"Thank you for your time George." I needed to get back to Rafferty's now. Georgina made it sound more like he was stopping there instead of realizing the error of his ways. I needed to get there before he managed to leave again. I may not have another chance.

I pushed open the door to the ice cream parlor and was met with an invigorating burst of cold air. I was done loosing my little brother.

*#*#*#*#*#*#

The Auphe dodged my blade with what would have been unbelievable speed if I hadn't seen it from them before.

As it twisted away from me its long black claws whistled through the air at my face. I ducked down and slashed at its side. It moved too quickly for the wound to be serious but I carved a thin dark slice across its flesh.

I needed to do better than that. I needed to kill it and then get the hell out of here. The others could be right behind it and there was no way that I could take on more than one at a time. Hell I wasn't even certain that I could handle this one.

It hissed at the wound, its pale skin a stark contrast to the dark blood that seeped from the slit. It ran almost straight down over it smooth pale salamander like skin. It's red eyes glowed with fury that I had managed to cut it and I could tell it was determined to pay me back with interest. Fuck the economy.

I threw myself back a moment to late. Its claws tore the air with lightning fast speed and went through me just as quickly. The adrenaline was so strong in my veins that I saw the wound more than felt it. Four fairly deep gashed had been clawed across my chest. All that registered was "not fatal" then I kept on fighting.

I kicked at its torso to put more distance between us but it caught my leg and pulled. I fell to the floor and blood dampened my sweatpants making them stick to my leg.

I swiped my other foot at its leg and took it down with me. I jammed my knife through its side where the heart was supposed to be. It shrieked as blood began to poor from its side.

"Traitorous cousin. Half breed filth." It gurgled through a mouth filling with blood.

It was going to die now. No two ways about it, this Auphe was toast. Unfortunately though this was a fatal wound to an Auphe it still had some time left, and in its madness I could tell that it forgot about taking me. It was out to kill me now.

Its night black claws tore through my wrist and yanked me closer to it. I tried to twist away but its claws had hooked under the bone. The pain suddenly flashed through me and I gritted my teeth against a yell. It would only enjoy it. The pain seared up my arm burned white hot around the claw wounds.

Its teeth pierced the fleshy part or my shoulder and blood poured out of the wound like I was fucking faucet. Shit, there was no way that I was going to die here on this floor next to this evil roiling piece of hell.

I threw my whole body into my other arm and punched it right on its pointy ear. It reeled back pulling its teeth from the shoulder and ripping it along the way. I rolled onto it and ripped my hand from its grasping talons. My slick fingers felt weak but I clasped them as tightly as I could around the knife and drove it right into its glowing demon eye.

Its mouth opened in a soundless shriek as it convulsed beneath me. Its multi-jointed fingers seized like they were grasping for me before falling still.

I sat on its dead body for a moment unbelieving that I had just managed to kill an Auphe in one on one combat. Then the pain hit.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I hissed through clenched teeth. My shoulder burned, my chest throbbed, and I was pretty fucking certain that my wrist was actually on fire. Ouch, I'd be feeling that in the morning. In fact I would probably be feeling it every morning for a few weeks.

I quickly got off the Auphe. I didn't want to be any closer to it than I had to be. I stumbled to my feet avoiding looking at it, my head was reeling from the blood loss and it felt like I had vertigo. Shit. I needed to bandage my wounds before I lost too much blood.

I glanced down to see that I was standing in a pool of blood. God damn. The socks were ruined. I toed off the sopping socks and they were colored with blood. That was just nasty. I refused to let myself think where the blood had come from and held onto the counter as I pulled myself further from the dead Auphe.

As far as I was concerned it would never be dead enough for me to be comfortable around it.

I tried to focus through the pain to remember what I had to do. I had to get food, get bandages, and then get the hell out of here because the Auphe could be coming in numbers any time. I was lucky to beat one and I wasn't about pushing luck when my life and other peoples were on the line.

I stumbled over to the hospital beds the ground seemed to shudder beneath me and I used the wall heavily for support leaving red streaks across Rafferty's previously clean walls. If he ever moved back he was going to tear my fucking head off for the mess… if I was still alive that is.

After missing the handle of the drawer a few times, because suddenly there seemed to be two of everything, I managed to grab a role of clean bandages. I headed to the kitchen for some tape because my fingers weren't about to be able to tie anything.

I used the wall to make it back down the hallway to find that everything in the kitchen wasn't in fact dead.

Nik stood over the dead body of the Auphe, his hand clasped tightly around the hilt of one of his swords. The only thing I could think was fuck, and I'm pretty sure that's what I said too.

Niko's eyes flashed up to mine before giving my wounds a quick once over. His face was a mix of relief, worry, and anger and unfortunately for me I was pretty sure that anger was going to win out. Big brother was about to kick my ass.

"Operation Fuck My Life" was once again turning out to be a shockingly appropriate name.

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Let me know if you're still reading and I'll keep writing :) Hope you liked it!


	4. Creature

Hello people! Thank you so much for the reviews! They keep me writing and enjoying it. :D Anyways be forewarned that this chapter is both graphic and a tiny bit confusing at the end. It most certainly earns at least a T rating, as much so as my story "Grendels". Just so you know what you're getting into!

This chapter is a little longer than most. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Robin Thurman

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Niko POV

I got to Rafferty's in record time, though that was most likely due to the fact that I was also coming close to breaking my speeding record as well. I had called Promise and Robin on the way here and they were both on their way. Hopefully they would make it here to stop me before I decided that knocking him out was the best way to keep him here. I clenched my teeth, it was a terribly tempting prospect.

I jerked the car into the drive and jumped out without bothering to turn the car off. I had more important things on my mind than greenhouse gases. I ran silently up to the door, the light layer of snow padding my footsteps.

I made it to the door and twisted the knob without a sound. I pushed to door open gently just enough to slip inside.

I didn't want Cal to know that I was here. It would give him time to make the decision to gate. Assuming that he was uncooperative the best plan would be to get a hold on him so that even if he did gate I would only come with him. If I could surprise him things would only go more smoothly. It would be difficult though, Cal was nearly as weary as I was, it was unlikely that I would catch him not paying attention.

My steps were silent as I drifted down the hallway hugging the wall, and the only noise I could hear thus far was the light breeze whistling around Rafferty's house.

I rounded the corner into the kitchen and was unprepared for what I saw.

An Auphe lie mutilated on the floor. Black blood seeped along the grooves between the tiles contrasting sharply with the white ceramic and creating an odd matrix pattern. Beneath the creature was a pool of dark blood, it still dripped slowly out of what I presumed to be a knife wound in its side. Its eye still had a knife buried in its socket and blood drooled from the wound over its tightly stretched pale skin and into its gaping mouth. Its teeth were awash with white saliva and black blood their usual metal sheen already dulling.

My hand relaxed slightly on the hilt of my sword. The Auphe was dead, and nothing could come back from wounds like that. A sheen of red caught my eye.

The Auphe's clawed hand lie extended from its body ands its unnatural length was draped across the floor. All of this I absorbed absently because the red liquid took precedence in my mind. The Auphe had red blood all over its hand and claws. It had been difficult to spot before because of all the black but now that I had noticed there was definitely some red mixed in with Auphe black.

Cal.

I needed to find him he could be-

"Fuck."

My head whipped around and I saw Cal standing in the doorway, if you could call it that. He was leaning heavily against the wall and blood was dripping down his arm from a wound that had torn loose a flap of flesh from his shoulder. His shirt was torn and dyed with blood and his hand was dripping with it. His face was splattered with a mixture of Auphe black and human red and I couldn't discern whether or not there was a wound beneath the gore or if it was residue from another source.

I tamped down the frantic worry with an easier emotion. Anger.

Now that I knew he was alive it was time to kill him myself. I shifted closer to him almost imperceptibly. I had to catch him before he made the same stupid mistake twice. He was too wounded to be allowed to leave, not to mention too foolish.

"An appropriate word choice little brother." I met his gaze and he looked back at me sheepishly. His grey eyes were full of the same guilt I could see every time he knew he did something wrong. I had to keep him talking while I got within range to dive for him. I asked the most pertinent question.

"How serious are your wounds." I wasn't masking my anger very well, even someone unacquainted with me would be able to tell I was in a rage. Sorry Buddha, I'll meditate later.

"Uh, they're fine. I just- nothing to serious."

"Coherent as always." I remarked in the driest voice I could conjure up.

His eyebrows lowered and his mouth turned down slightly.

"Hey I just fought an Auphe give me a fucking break." Cal muttered indignantly sounding closer and closer to his actual emotional age of twelve. I took his distraction as an opportunity to scoot closer to him.

"Yes, thank you for that neat segue. Speaking of dead Auphe in Rafferty's kitchen I happened to notice the one on the floor and was wondering what in God's name possessed you first of all, to come back to Rafferty's and second of all to fight an Auphe alone. Without me."

Ah, that last part wasn't supposed to slip out. Wasn't that the crux of the matter though? Cal was trying to take on the Auphe without me, to live without me, to protect me by removing himself. He should know by now that his cause was futile. There was nothing that he could ever do that would get rid of me.

Cal's hand twitched almost as if to clench before pain ghosted over his face and he let it hang loose. His gaze didn't waver from mine as his grey eyes showed their age and the incredible depth of weariness that seemed to pervade him ever since the Auphe had returned. I felt his weariness mirrored in me as it crept across his expression. He had no right to look so old and tired… to look so… defeated.

"You know why I have to do this alone Nik." He said guessing my thoughts.

"This is my fight and I can't-"

"This isn't just your fight." The words seemed to tear themselves from me without my permission. Where was the calm and controlled Niko now? "I have been protecting you since your first breath and we have fought along side each other almost two decades, you have no grounds for saying this isn't my fight."

"You could have a real life Nik. What ever you want!"

"Well I choose you. I would make that choice again and again Cal. I don't regret you."

Cal's glanced away from me to stare at the Auphe behind me. His body slouched into the wall and his head rolled until his forehead was pressed tightly against it. I don't think that anyone had ever told him anything like that before… not even me. He closed his eyes and I took advantage of his obvious surrender. I stepped towards him and pulled him tightly to me. I had my little brother back and I wasn't about to lose him again.

The morphed into a supporting grip as I helped him over to Rafferty's couch. I needed to bandage his wounds before he lost any more blood. The longer I looked at his wounds the worse they appeared. The ripping was certainly cause for worry. They wouldn't heal well at all. At least I would be here to kick his ass into line and make sure he took care of them properly.

I managed to find some medicine to numb the pain of the stitches and clean out the jagged cuts. The slashes on his chest were fairly superficial but the bite wound on his shoulder and the claw wound that pierced through his hand were both serious and he lost quite a bit of blood. I stitched him up as quickly and efficiently as possible and wrapped the stitches in bandages after slathering them with an antibiotic cleansing agent. It paid to be stranded in a healer's house.

"I know you have a right to make your own choices." Cal told me as I wrapped the wound on his hand.

"Its not like I think I know better than you or anything… its just… its just that I sometimes wish it wasn't this way." His voice was gravely and I glanced up at him to check his expression before continuing my bandaging.

"What do you mean?"

"I wish that you weren't so bound to this… to me. There is so much that you could have if it weren't for me." His voice was quiet and his hand trembled slightly as I tapped the bandage tightly.

"I meant what I said Cal. It may not seem like it to you but I don't yearn for a different life and I am here because I choose to be, because I want to be. There is nothing you can do to change my mind." I had to convince him on this point, otherwise he would just leave again. He needed to understand or the guilt would consume him, and he had nothing to feel guilty about.

"I know but-"

Cal cut himself off as his head snapped up in alarm. I whipped around my sword already hissing as I pulled it from my coat. The air in the living room was glowing hungry grey.

*#*#*#*#*#*#

Cal POV

I felt the gates tear through my insides. Four. Four Auphe were about to appear in Rafferty's living room. Fuck.

I heard the whisper of Nik's blade as he drew it and followed suit with one of my own. We were about to go the way of the dinosaurs if we didn't get out of here stat. My fight or flight reflex was so far on the side of flight that I was surprised I didn't gate automatically when I felt the universe rip. I didn't waste any more time after I realized we were still hanging around. I grabbed for Nik and built a gate around us before the Auphe slammed it shut on us.

Ever had a door slammed on your face? Picture that only about a hundred times worse.

Niko and I were thrown backwards hard enough that when we hit the wall I felt it give slightly beneath my weight.

We were so fucked.

As shook my head to clear my vision and kept my eyes trained on the four Auphe grinning at us from across the room. I pushed off the wall and stepped in front of Nik whose skin had become several shades paler in the past few seconds. If he didn't take well to gating I could only image how that had felt. He was going to need a second to recuperate, and I needed to make sure he got that second.

Way easier said than done.

The first Auphe sprinted at me faster than the goddamn roadrunner and I had about as much luck killing it as wily coyote. I barely managed to avoid getting a face full of long black claw and its other set grazed the skin of my neck as it passed. I stabbed at its side where it kept its heart but it deftly twisted and avoided the blow.

A second Auphe had gotten across the room in the blink of an eye and I kicked it in the face as it dove at me. I felt its teeth scrape the bottom of my foot before it twisted away from the kick and pulled at my calf to try and get me to the ground. I went along with the pull and used the extra momentum to jump kick it in the gut as hard as I could. It staggered back a few steps barely fazed.

The first Auphe whipped its claws at Nik and I could already tell that he hadn't fully recovered and wasn't going to be able to get his blade up in time. My heart stuttered as I saw its talons closing in on its neck and I did the first thing that came to mind… I dove at it.

It was fast enough to dodge the tackle but I figured it was too incredulous at my sheer stupidity to process the motion fast enough. I tackled that motherfucker like a line backer and managed to take it to the floor. Its hand shot up and fastened around my neck before I could make another move. Its long multi-jointed fingers rapped all the way around and its claws dug into the soft skin.

The third and fourth Auphe had joined the party and they were pinning Niko to the wall above me. The Auphe below we rolled so I was facing up and raised its claws.

The remaining Auphe grabbed its wrist tightly and hissed in its ear shattering language.

"We need him alive." The one gripping my neck growled like a tree shredder but loosened its grip on my neck. Its expression of rage quickly twisted into one of malicious glee.

"Kill the older one. Let our traitorous cousin bathe in his blood." It smiled down at me and spoke in English so that Nik knew what was going on too. How goddamn courteous.

"No." The word hissed almost silently from my mouth, but they heard it anyways. Four identical homicidal grins lit up their pointed faces. The one that wasn't holding Niko or me down laughed before whipping its claws across Niko's chest.

Blood dripped down onto my face and I closed my eyes tightly as the warm fluid slid over my lids and dripped onto my lips. Niko.

Niko.

They were going to kill him right in front of me. Right over me. He was going to die here bled out like some animal just to hurt me, for no other reason than to make me suffer. Not only was he going to die but it was going to be all my fucking fault too. No. I felt denial pulse through me so strong it was almost a thing… almost a creature. It wrapped itself in my fear and put on the armor of my rage and did become a creature, and that creature became me.

I snapped my eyes open and gripped the wrist of the Auphe that sat on top of me. I twisted the wrist quickly and felt it snap beneath my fingers. The Auphe above me shrieked in fury and it was beautiful music to my ears. It was almost easy to throw it off me. It felt like I was watching from someone else's eyes as I watched it hit the couch and take it toppling over with it.

The creature turned my head and was staring at the remaining Auphe. I lunged and they seemed to move so much more slowly than normal. I growled in delight as I managed to grab one around the neck. I hurled it down and stomped on its face. I felt its teeth snap under the force of my blow and I kicked it in the mouth again hard enough to send shards of bone into its putrid brain. It was dead, I kicked it again anyways and watched as black blood poured from its mouth and nose and fell like tears from its murder red eyes.

Distantly I heard someone shouting but I couldn't hear it clearly through the roar of adrenaline in my veins and the savage thrill the creature got from seeing its tormentor splattered on the floor.

I turned to see a man slashing at one of the remaining Auphe as the other two sized me up. Yes, come to me. I will tear you… peel you flesh from bone.

"Cal!" The voice seemed familiar. Niko, my brother… the coherency came in and out like bad television reception. The disorientation upset the creature, it only wanted blood, black blood, enough to coat the walls soak the floor.

An Auphe dove at me and I couldn't move fast enough. I dodged a swipe to my neck but felt claws swipe up my side and hook under my rib cage. I hissed in pain and thrust my torso upwards to catch its neck between my teeth.

It yanked itself from my jaws and flipped off of me. A bang sounded from somewhere behind me and I whipped around to see two more people enter the fray. A vampire and a puck.

_Robin, Promise…_

Something whispered in the back of my head. I ignored it. I had more important things to be doing. I was protecting. I was fighting.

The two of them charged at the Auphe behind me and Niko. Speaking of which. I turned to check on him.

Nik skewered his Auphe through the heart and it gripped the sword with both hands its eyes full of disbelief. I watched in relief and satisfaction as he kicked it hard enough that it slid off the end of his blade.

The creature inside me hissed snapping my attention back to the Auphe whose neck I had torn. I refocused a second too late. Its claws tore into my chest again as its other set buried itself in my thigh. The claws hooked and it dragged me towards it ripping my flesh with the weight.

The creature didn't focus on the pain. It dove at the Auphe and tackled it back onto the floor. My teeth clamped around the already loosened flesh and tore. Black blood dripped down my chin as I spit out the hunk of meat. The creature felt a wave of satisfaction as the Auphe gurgled suffocating on its own blood.

Its claws caught my bicep as it reached up in a vain effort. A silver sword came down and sliced its head off. The creature hissed in disappointment, it would have lived for a few more moments, suffered just a little bit longer. If only it had been allowed to writhe a few moments longer… the creature wasn't finished enjoying it.

Niko was talking. I watched his lips move and I head the sounds but I couldn't understand. Nik was important, I should listen. I focused and the creature receded allowing me to understand the words.

"Cal." He almost shouted his voice desperate. "Come back to me Cal, come back."

I shook my head as awareness began to seep back in.

I jumped off the Auphe and stumbled backwards. Niko watched me and I vaguely realized that Promise and Goodfellow were staring at me behind him.

What had I done?

I wiped my mouth and my hand came back covered in black blood. I hunched over and vomited on the floor. The taste of bile replaced the Auphe blood but I could still feel it. It was warm and slippery and coating my face. I threw up again.

"Cal!" Niko moved towards me but I stepped back.

I couldn't let him touch me. The creature was still inside me. I could feel it. I had to get away, I had to run in case the creature escaped again. The world spun around me and my head pounded and my body was on fire with pain. Somehow I managed to build a gate anyways, I built it around me and felt myself fall away from Rafferty's room before everything faded...

...and the grey turned to black.

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I know I know! I am a terrible person :P hope the end in Cal's POV wasn't to confusing for you. Review and let me know what you think. Love it? Hate it? Where the heck is this going? ;) Let me know.


	5. Something Wicked

**Hey People! Sorry about the long wait but this was kind of a rough chapter to write and I wanted to make sure there weren't so many errors in it so I proof read it this time. I hope there aren't so many! Anyways, so this chapter is kind of surprising and a little weird but stick with me because next chapter is going to be a good time. I already have it all sketched out and I'm really excited to write it. :)**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think about it. Also, thank you to all the people who have been reviewing it keeps me happy about updating :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Rob Thurman**

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Cal POV

My body felt heavy and cold. The world spun as I tried to understand what was happening. I was lying down and the surface beneath me was like ice. It leeched the heat out of my body and left me chilled to the core. I opened my eyes, but it did me almost no good. It was black as pitch, there was an odd soft halo of light in the distance, but it only illuminated my surroundings enough to see blurry shapes and vague outlines.

I sat up and the stinging pain in my head caused me to pull my hands up to hold it. It hurt like a bitch. I swallowed back the urge to vomit and tried to control the roiling nausea that seemed to pulse through my body.

"Fuck."

I whispered to nobody. Where the hell was I anyways? I grit my teeth against the pain in my head as I remembered exactly why I was in the middle of some creepy ass room freezing my balls off.

"Hell." I left Nik again. Like a fucking idiot. I freaked out and bailed faster than Sophia on the run from the cops, and let me tell you that was pretty damn fast. All that shit I said about how he should get a choice and how I couldn't decide this for him and then I turn around and do it again practically before I was done talking. So I had turned into a monster, it wasn't really much of a change anyways and I should be able to trust Nik to handle it. The fact is that I can't do this shit alone and I'm too fucking weak to be without him anymore, even if it isn't the right thing to do. I needed to protect Niko, sure they could sense where I was but if he was chasing me, and I knew without a doubt that he was, then they would cross paths eventually and I had to be there to protect him when they did. Bottom fucking line. I had to be there.

Unfortunately I wasn't about to go anywhere anytime soon. I felt weaker than I had in a long time. I could feel the cool dried blood on the concrete floor around me and my muscles felt like limp noodles. There was no way I was about to gate anywhere right now unless I planned on entering a coma when I got there.

I sighed and lay back down. I was so damn tired. Just the effort of pushing myself up felt like an Olympic size endeavor. What could a few more hours hurt anyways? Sleep… I needed…

Sleep….

…

I shot up quickly with my eyes wide open and already adjusted to the still dark night. My heart was throbbing and fingers dug into the unforgiving concrete.

Something was wrong… terribly, terribly wrong.

I didn't know what had woken me up. The room was silent and unmoving. Everything seemed fine but… but… something else was here. I could almost feel it. It danced around the edges of my consciousness on the tip of my tongue until it flitted away just before I could recognize it. It felt like minutes that I stared into that empty room but it must have been only seconds. The adrenaline coursing through my veins making time seem to pass so much slower. Whatever the fuck was out there needed to just come out. This waiting was fucking killing me. I tightened my grip on the gun I'd taken from Rafferty's. No extra ammunition, I had to be careful how I used it.

Suddenly a disgusting stench filled my nose. It smelled light rotting flesh, and decay. It smelled like infection on a festering wound, but what really caught my attention was the small hint of earth and ozone that ran through the smell at the very core of it.

Auphe.

"Come on out you Auphe bastard. I know you're here." I snarled. Brave words for someone who felt like pissing himself. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn't fight an Auphe now. It was hard as hell to kill one in top form much less when I already felt like I'd been run over by a mack truck. But guess what? Life is a bitch and she doesn't give a flying shit whether or not you're ready before slapping you across the face with your fate.

There was a moment hesitation before black claws closed over the windowsill on the far side. I trained my gun where the bastard's head should be appearing any second. In an instant a dark shape had pulled itself over the edge and lunged at me. I got a couple of shots off right in its chest. It wasn't my explosive rounds but it still blew nasty chunks of flesh right out of its chest. Too bad it didn't make a difference.

It landed on me and we slid across the concrete floor knocking random shit out of the way as we went. My head hit the wall with a smack that would have had me thinking automatic concussion had I not had more important things on my mind. Like trying not to die.

I grabbed for my knife but it pinned me down with lightening speed before my finger tips had more than grazed the hilt. Its other hand fastened around my neck and it pinned me to the ground with ease. Well shit.

"So you're the one then." It's voice hissed out filling the air with its fetid breath. "Yes, yes I think he is." It talked to itself. What the hell. I fought against its restraining hands but it held firm. Damn it, I wasn't about to get taken out by Sméagol here.

"Just because you're about to kill me doesn't mean you have to torture me first. Stop blowing your rank ass air all over my face." Oh, definitely a concussion. The verbal filter was gone… then again I lived most of my life without a verbal filter so maybe my head was just like it always was.

A burst of air escaped its lips as its chest heaved. I realized a second later that it was laughing, and it was fucking creepy as hell. I aimed a punch at its side and it rolled slightly to avoid it. I used its momentum to flip us over and I kicked it in the gut. It slid across the floor with the force of my blow and slid into the small ring of light that the street below provided.

Holy shit.

It wasn't an Auphe. It had a lipless face just like them and pale skin with filament like light hair and long black claws. But its ears were rounded perfectly like a human's and its eyes were dark black holes rather than magma red in its pale scarred face.

Holy shit.

It deserved to be repeated.

It seemed to pick up on the fact that I had realized that all was not well in the neighborhood. My gut felt like lead as realization began to encroach on my blissful ignorance. No way…. No goddamn way.

"Yes it sees now. It does." It sat on the floor its head tilted and its pitch black eyes were trained on my face. "Did it think it was the first? Did it think it was the only? No, no. It was only the first that could rip the air. There were others before it, so many others." It croaked. It stared at me but spoke as if to itself. I wish it would just shut the hell up.

"There were others. Only a few others. No more though no more." It rubbed its exposed stomach in contentment. Fuck. "They are in me now though… yes oh yes. I am better now more creature, and so much stronger. Yes…. Yes the strength." Its voice was filled with smug satisfaction as it continued to rub its stomach. I should shoot it. I should shoot the bastard right now. What the hell was I waiting for? My finger wouldn't move. I couldn't move at all and I couldn't stop listening to the acid that seeped from its lips. It was like watching a house fire. It was fucking terrible and I couldn't look away and I couldn't do a goddamn thing as my whole world went up in smoke right before my eyes.

Others. There had been others before me that the Auphe had created with humans. And one was standing right here right now. If there had been anything in my stomach it would have ended up on the floor.

"They threw me out like trash. No ripping, they said. No ripping. But I will eat it, yes eat it. I will be stronger then, then I will be able to rip." It slunk towards me crouched on all fours. Its claws clacked against the hard floor and it bared its sharpened teeth at me.

Shit.

I forced my frozen finger to clench on the trigger. It moved too fast for me to get a head shot but I caught its shoulder. It twisted away and leapt at me again. I jerked out of the way of its claws and ducked. It flew by me and landed on all fours behind me sliding into the mess of shit that covered the floor.

I raised my gun but before I could get a shot off something glinted silver in the faint light before swinging down in an arc and slashing the creature's side. It threw itself sideways but not before the sword had cut across its jaw leaving it hanging loosely on its pointed face. It skidded across the floor before whipping its head around and lunging past me out the window. But not before I gave that motherfucker a few parting shots. I hoped it hit the ground hard. Putting off the inevitable I stared at the empty space where the monster used to be before turning to face my fate.

Nik. He had found me, and pissed as hell didn't quite cover it.

His grey eyes were narrowed and full of steel as he looked me over for injuries. Thankfully I had no new ones. Promise and Goodfellow were there too with faces full of relief and annoyance- probably from chasing my sorry ass across the country- but I didn't really give a shit what they thought. I had more important things on my mind like the fact that there are other half human half Auphe monsters out there… and that one wants to eat me. You know, little things like that.

"How did you find me?" Not like I was really surprised, but still I didn't expect him to find me so soon.

He held up a little silver cell phone in one hand. The tracking system that worked between our phones. But I didn't- I patted my pocket. Damn, he must have slipped it in my pocket while he was wrapping my wounds back at Rafferty's. Sly neo-ninja. He walked silently across the floor and gave me a half hug half attempt to strangle me… which was feeling more like a strangling attempt every second.

"I won't do it again." I whispered. This was a conversation just for Nik and I. Promise and Goodfellow didn't need to know. "It was stupid and I know that I can't make choices for you."

"You are just saying that because you are afraid that I'm going to kick your ass." He said flatly finally letting me go. He kept a hard grip on my wrist despite my reassurances. I didn't grudge him that, we had seen how my promises turned out.

"Yes, yes kiss and make up its all very cute. Now lets get the hell out of this godforsaken dump before I start to smell like Cal." Goodfellow said with disdain as he nudged a broken bottle away with the very tip of his incredibly overpriced fancy shoe. What a priss.

"Keep your thousand dollar shoes on Loman, and for the record I'm the one with the super sniffer so I know better than anyone that I smell like fucking roses." That was a total lie, I smelled like hard core ass right now and who the fuck would want to smell like a plant anyways… details.

It felt nice to do the back and forth insult fight. You're okay I'm okay and even if we're not lets make everything seem like it is so we can live in that beautiful blissful state called ignorance for just a moment longer. Let me be the one to say that escapism is the shit, my brother doesn't know what he's missing out on. Poor guy, why would you live in the real world when you can make up your own?

"If those roses were dipped in excrement." Niko said blandly before dragging me over towards the doorway. "We are going to get some food and then go home and then you are going to tell us what that thing was."

I stumbled after him before matching his pace. Food sounded awesome. I hadn't eaten in forever, which was just unnatural. I was a human- lets not get technical- garbage disposal. If it was digestible I had probably eaten it. Hell, if it wasn't digestible I had probably still eaten it. And right now I'd way rather be shoving food in my mouth than chatting them up about how there was another thing that I- and because of me they- needed to worry about. Yeah, I'm just bringing all the party favors.

We got in the car and went through a drive through because I was covered in blood, looked like hell, and smelled even worse and because I still wasn't wearing any goddamn socks!

Fucking socks, just couldn't stay the hell on my feet. I glared at my bare toes before going back to stuffing my face.

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#

Niko POV

We had him back, hopefully to stay this time. He seemed to understand now that I would chase him wherever he went. This was my fight just as much as it was his. He had been my responsibility since I was four years old and more importantly than that he was my brother. There was nothing he could do to get rid of me, though apparently that didn't stop him from trying. I glanced back at Cal who was passed out on the floor of the RV. His face was troubled even in sleep.

Which brought me back to yet another concern. What was the creature that had been attacking Cal in the abandoned apartment building? At a glance I would have said that it was Auphe but it didn't look quite the same as the others and it didn't gate away, it ran. Two very suspicious facts. I had wished to talk to Cal about it immediately put he fell asleep so fast after eating that I think there is still a bite in his mouth. Cal, he was the epitome of elegance.

He slept on the floor and I rested my ankle over his calf. I would know if he moved. I trusted him to keep his word… if he thought about it… but there was no telling what he would do if he was panicking and in the heat of the moment. I wasn't about to take a chance, not with Cal.

I felt a warm hand close over mine. Promise leaned against me briefly before sitting back up.

"You are worried for him." She said softly. It wasn't a question and I didn't answer. That much would appear to be obvious. I didn't bother putting on a mask, I was too tired. I hadn't slept in so long. I couldn't. I couldn't rest or sleep until I found my brother, but now… now I had found him, and the sleepless hours had swiftly returned and crept over my head slowing my thought. It was becoming difficult to concentrate.

"Niko, go to sleep. He is okay, he is here. You found him again." Promise ran a gentle hand over my forehead and I closed my eyes to the soothing gesture.

I slouched slightly in my seat and let the white noise of the RV fill my ears and erase my thoughts. There would be time for thinking later. Now was time for being glad that Cal was back, and for sleeping.

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**I know, I know, not the best chapter in the world and the twist is kinda weird but I promise this is all going somewhere! Just hold out for next chapter, it will definitely be something new! :)**

**Let me know what you think!**

**Thanks,**

**Traveler**


	6. Don't Carry The World Upon Your Shoulder

**Hey folks! I am back :) I hope you guys have as much fun reading this chapter as I had writing it. I know that I said that last chapter was the weird one but I think that this one is even weirder and not in the way you guys are used to from me. I hope that you guys like it anyways. Especially because this chapter is extra long, just because you guys rock. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros Series, it is property of Robin Thurman**

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Niko POV

Cal was still sleeping. We had woken him up once we had gotten back to New York but he only stayed awake long enough to drag himself upstairs, shower, and fall back in bed. I ran a hand over my face as if I could wipe away the exhaustion. I hadn't been so lucky in the sleep department lately. I was worried, about so many things. They rested on me like a weight keeping me exhausted but never letting me sleep. I envied Cal for his ability to shut off his mind when he needed to.

Then again he was also much more injured than I was. He had lost a lot of blood, built gates, fought Auphe, and slept in a freezing abandoned building sockless (which he incessantly muttered about oddly enough). Cal needed rest much more than I, which brought me back to my present worries.

There was another monster on our list and I knew nothing about what it was, its weaknesses, or how to kill it. Also Cal had lost control again, something that seemed to be happening more and more often despite the meditation. He hadn't hurt anyone in his state, and never had but I could understand how it disturbed him… the complete loss of control over your actions, the feeling as though you are a puppet and someone else holds the strings, much like I imagine how he felt when Darkling had taken him… when I had lost him.

I pressed my palms into my eyes as though I could force the worry from my head. Worrying is a waste of time, it isn't constructive and it merely consumes energy needlessly. Now if only I could take my own advice.

I dragged myself from the kitchen to the bedroom and rested against the wall. I was in dire need of some meditation.

########

Cal POV

I didn't want to get up. My whole body ached like I had gone a few rounds with Abby and I could feel my skin pulling around my wounds. Fresh scar tissue was a bitch. I would have been content to lay here forever if nature wasn't calling so damn insistently, fucking nature.

I ran a hand through my hair and dragged my tired ass out of bed. It was probably good that I got up anyways, Nik and I needed to talk at some point. I flinched, talking with Niko… that was one conversation that was going to hurt like a bitch. I was surprised he let me sleep as long as he did rather than dragging me out of bed and making me run laps until I scraped all the rubber off the bottom of my shoes. Though I shouldn't count my chickens yet because this sure as hell wasn't over.

Counting chickens... what the fuck was I even thinking?

I stumbled blearily to the bathroom and shuddered a little as my feet touched the chilled tile. I should go put socks on. The day suddenly seemed a hell of a lot better now that the prospect of socks was involved. As I took a piss and washed my hands I debated with myself whether or not I had developed an obsession with socks... and if I had was it really so wrong? That was some deep metaphorical shit so soon after I woke up. I pushed open the door and walked by Nik's room.

He was leaning against the wall in his classic meditating pose. Wait a minute…

I crept in silently as I could, which was pretty damn quiet, I was getting better at this ninja shit, and stopped a couple feet from him before stooping down. His breathing was perfectly even, too even.

I grinned, neo-ninja had fallen asleep while meditating. I was going to give him shit about this for the rest of our lives (so probably about a week the way things have been going). I turned, fully intending to let the poor guy get some sleep, God knows he needed it he hadn't slept in days, but my foot brushed lightly against the carpet.

Nik opened his eyes and was awake and alert instantly.

"You're finally up."

Was there an echo in here or did we both just say that at the same damn time like some cutesy twin commercial? I decided that I would pretend there was an echo.

"Jesus Cyrano, meditating is for achieving a state of peace not kindergarten nap time." Was that the exact same thing he said to me every time I fell asleep meditating? Yes. Was I a first class ass hat for saying it? Why yes, yes I was. I grinned like that freaky as shit cat from Alice and Wonderland as the lightest tinge of pink touched his cheeks.

I totally called that shit out.

"I wasn't sleeping." He said in a dry tone, obviously trying to regain some credit.

"I'm sure you weren't." I said in my most patronizing tone as the pink got a little darker. I was such a dick but hell if I wasn't about to take advantage of my only time ever taking Niko off guard. Damn where's a camera when you need one?

He stood up quickly and glared at me so intensely I half expected to spontaneously combust… wait, if your expecting it then it really isn't spontaneous is it… huh. Go figure. More deep metaphorical shit to be pondered later... or never.

"We need to talk about it Cal." Nik stared at me with a blank face, the pink was gone and so was the joking. Shit, I was hoping we could put this off for a while longer. Though being an awesome procrastinator I would probably try to put it off forever if he never brought it up again. Too bad Nik is Nik and my bullshit "it was a monster" answer just wasn't going to cut it.

"Yeah, yeah I know." I said sobering instantly. Nothing took the fun out of a situation like the possibility of sudden death. I took a deep breath. I couldn't put this off any longer so I might as well get it the hell over with.

"I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it said-" I cleared my throat as an excuse to collect myself without my voice breaking like a pansy ass. I don't know why I bothered Nik knew what was going on anyways, he always does. He gripped my shoulder tightly in support. Best to just get this the hell over with. I told myself again.

"It said that it was half Auphe half human, like me."

"Not like you." He corrected instantly. "That monster in the building was nothing like you Cal."

"He had said that there were others before me." I continued my voice flat and dead even to my own ears. I needed to get it all out or else I wouldn't be able to start again. "He said that the Auphe had created other hybrids but that none of them could travel like I can." I clenched my fists as the creatures words echoed in my ears.

"Jesus… he said…. That son of a bitch said that he ate them, the others. He ate the others because he thinks he can somehow become more Auphe by doing it. But I think that piece of shit is just crazy. I don't become part cow when I eat a burger so why the hell would eating Auphe make you more Auphe?"

Why did it sound like I was trying to convince myself?

"The creature is most likely insane." Nik said softly. "Who knows how long they tried to… convince him to gate until they finally gave up on the idea of him being able to do it at all." The silence was heavy in the air.

I hadn't thought about that before. Who knew how long they tortured the poor bastard before they gave up on him. He was probably there longer than I was, I felt a reluctant sympathy start to form in my chest but stomped it out quickly.

"It doesn't matter." I said grimly meeting Nik's eyes. "Whoever he was he isn't that same person now, he is just a monster. A killing creature and there aren't any other options, whoever the hell that poor bastard was before is never coming back. We'll have to kill it."

You'd have to be blind deaf and dumb not to understand that I was talking about myself as well. Unfortunately Nik was none of these things. I barely comprehended the rage in his eyes before his fist flashed out at me and I ended up flat on the ground.

Yeah, I deserved that.

"Don't you fucking ever say something like that to me again." His voice was shaking, but not only from anger. Still, it shocked the hell out of me that he was freaked out enough to say "fuck". God, I really had put him through hell.

"You're not a monster Cal and you will never be what that thing is. I knew what I was saying when I said you had an unbreakable will and I meant it. Two years with the Auphe didn't make you an Auphe and nothing else will either." He stooped down and dragged me up with a rough grip on my shirt. His eyes were blazing with anger and he was inches from my face.

"And I will never ever put you down like you're some creature so don't even think it." He shook me by my collar before taking a deep breath and letting me fall from the tips of my toes back to my feet.

Damn. I had really done a number on him, my brother. I was supposed to be carrying the weight this time, but here I was hurting him again. Fuck if I could do anything right. I was one seriously selfish shit for bringing that up right now when he was already worried about the Auphe and running on almost no sleep.

"I'm sorry Nik." I said softly.

"I don't want an apology, I want you to believe me." He met my eyes in a hard stare. I couldn't hide anything from him when he tried to see through me like that, and I didn't even want to try. Not when he was looking at me so desperately. Nik almost never reacted like this, and it scared the hell out of me when he did. So I gave him an honest answer.

"I'll try." He nodded briskly realizing that that was the best I could promise him. I wished really mother fucking hard that I could give him more than that. That I could somehow pay back even a little bit of what he had done for me. I couldn't, but I wouldn't stop trying. Nik deserved better than me, better than anyone, but he wasn't going to get it so I was just going to have to do the best I could.

"Good… and sorry about loosing my temper and punching you." Nik never sounded sheepish, but he got pretty damn close this time.

"I don't want an apology." I shot back grinning.

It was totally worth the swat to the back of my head.

#########

Niko POV

Promise, Goodfellow, Cal, and I were all sitting at Ishiah's bar trying to process recent events and the additional bad news. It all seemed to be bad news recently. The worst of which was that Ishiah had lost a bet to Robin and we were now forced to sit through a karaoke night from people so untalented I half wondered if they were trying to break eardrums. If so they were fairly close to succeeding, I wished it would just happen already so I wouldn't have to continue suffering.

I ran a finger around the top of my bottle of beer. I hadn't had more than a few sips, I couldn't afford to be off guard, not now, but I also figured that some situations simply call for a drink, and your whole world crashing down around your head was one of them.

"Goodfellow you little shit, why didn't you warn us that it was karaoke night before you dragged our asses over here." Cal growled after some werewolf and his friends had finished singling "Bye, bye, bye" by N'sync. Unfortunately they were all very out of sync and being blind drunk were seemingly unaware that they were in no way boy band material, which in this case was actually an insult, and wasn't that a tribute to how terrible they were?

"Because you little brat, Ishiah just decided to go through with the bet once I got here. I should have specified a time, this hollering isn't fit for man nor beast!" Robin shot back at Cal along with a menacing glare. Though it wasn't quite as hard as it could have been. No one was really in the mood to fight especially with Cal. Not when we had just gotten him back.

"Yeah well it sucks like a bitch that we got wrapped up in your karma." Cal grimaced immediately after the words had passed his lips.

"Let's pretend I'm not a huge ass hypocrite and I didn't just say that." I sighed. The beer was getting to him, otherwise he would have known better than to say something like that. He would have left the last part go unsaid. I let him have two beers today, God knows he needed it, but he hadn't eaten much so he wasn't quite as sober as I had hoped.

"No big deal kid." Robin said knocking him on the back. "I got something that will cheer you right up." He jumped over the bar and came back a moment later with a bottle in hand. Ishiah gave him a dirty look but said nothing as he hopped back over the bar.

"Nothing will cheer you up like this will." He said handing Cal the whole bottle after popping the top off and wagging an eyebrow in typical Goodfellow fashion. I stared at it wearily for a moment. I wasn't sure what it was but it was definitely harder than beer and I wasn't entirely sure that Cal should be drinking it. Especially because his life was in constant danger and he needed to be alert as soon as we left the bar. We couldn't let the Auphe catch us off guard… not like you could ever be ready for the Auphe.

"Cal I don't think-"

"Jesus Christ Nik let up for a second, the kid deserves it." Robin said his voice full of exasperation. He pushed the bottle at Cal a little harder.

"Stop calling me a fucking kid." Cal muttered under his breath before taking a swig from the bottle. He almost immediately put the bottle down coughing violently, his eyes watering.

"What the fuck Goodfellow!" He said still spluttering but at least not spitting any out. I was desperately trying not to let my smile turn into a laugh. "What is this shit anyways? Rubbing alcohol?" He wiped moisture from his eyes as a couple more feeble coughs forced themselves from his chest.

"Turns out I have every right to call you kid, kid." Goodfellow wasn't bothering to hold back his laughter. Cal glared at him murderously and Promise started chuckling. I am not going to laugh. I am not going to laugh. I am not going to laugh.

Cal, as if to prove himself, picked the bottle up again and took a longer swig from it. He didn't fare any better this time. He started coughing so hard he almost fell off his bar stool. And then he did fall off his bar stool.

Meditation will only take you so far. I had reached my limit. I started laughing at the image of Cal trying to stumble up from the ground while still hacking his lungs out. He once again glared viciously at Promise and Goodfellow but once he got to me he just cracked a smile. Damn it felt good to laugh.

"Seriously Goodfellow, what is that shit?" Cal said once he had stopped coughing… several minutes later. I still couldn't wipe the small smile off my face. Cal.

"Absinthe." He said shortly a wicked grin spread across his face. Unfortunately it wiped the smile off of mine.

"Are you insane." I hissed at him. "Absinthe can be up to 144 proof straight from the bottle and Cal has never had more than a few beers. He is supposed to be on his card and he is about to be drunker than he has ever been in his whole life." Robin had the grace to look slightly abashed as well he should. What was he thinking giving Cal that stuff? Despite having an alcoholic mother Cal actually had quite a low tolerance, it wasn't like the Auphe had developed a tolerance for alcohol so he had no help from that side of the family, and the fact that he hadn't eaten much today wasn't going to be helping anything.

"It was just two swigs. You worry too much Cal will be back to normal in an hour or two. Until then he'll just be a little... loose." Robin waved me off trying to justify himself.

"It's absinthe, he is going to be drunk for longer than that. I would never have let him drink that if I had known it was absinthe." The stress of recent events was pilling up on me and I was considering the pros and cons of starting a bar fight with Robin in Ishiah's bar.

"You worry too mush granma." Cal slurred, the absinthe was already getting to him, he hadn't eaten anything and wasn't quite an alcohol heavy weight. I felt my face twitch slightly.

I am calm. I am at piece. I am not going to punch Goodfellow's face in for making Cal incapable of protecting himself. Hmm, rather long for a mantra, I should shorten it.

"Cal, where on earth do you think you're going?" Promise laughed. Her face far too amused for our current situation. I shot her a dirty look.

I glanced up to see Cal getting up to the karaoke microphone and groaned. This was a terrible idea, I never should have brought him to the bar. Cal grabbed the microphone.

"This is for Nik who is really stressed out and needs a break." Cal said happily wavering a little on his feet. God, we were never going to be able to show our faces around here again. If he starts singing N'sync I'm going to call the Auphe and get this over with for all of us.

"_Hey Jude. Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better."_

I sunk onto my stool and resisted the urge to cover my face. How do we get ourselves into these situations?

Promise and Goodfellow were practically rolling on the ground laughing and I could see Ishiah cracking a smile from where he was serving drinks from the other side of the bar. Good I though snorting derisively, I'm glad at least someone was enjoying themselves.

"_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders." _

Cal stumbled slightly but kept on singing. He was actually pretty good. Really, really good actually. I had never heard Cal sing before and his voice was actually great. It wasn't often something Cal did totally shocked me, but he had me on this one. Cal could sing, and he could sing well… he also knew the lyrics to my favorite band's songs… who knew?

"_Hey Jude, don't make it bad."_

People in the bar were starting to sing along, terribly of course but people, to use the term loosely, were actually singing with him like we were stuck in some terrible girl scout trip gone wrong. Goodfellow was gaping up at Cal, he was as surprised as I was to find that Cal had a good voice. Even Promise appeared a little shocked, nonetheless she was drumming her nails to the beat and humming along.

I let my smile creep back across my face. Cal watched me and smiled back, being blind drunk made his emotions plain on his face. He was so happy to have made me happy. For once he wasn't thinking about the Auphe and impending death. I let myself forget about it too, just for a moment.

I let my small smile turn into a full fledged grin and began to hum along with Cal and the rest of the drunk patrons to one of my favorite songs.

And everything was okay.

"_Then you'll begin to make it better better better better better better better."_

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**So I know what you guys are thinking: WTF!? Where did that come from? Did she just end a chapter on a happy note? Why is she so obsessed with socks? Did I just read about Cal drinking absinthe and then doing karaoke? **

**Cal and Niko need a little break after their whole worlds came crashing down on their heads... again. So yeah, don't worry there will be more explained about the Auphe, the half Auphe thing and Cherish and Promise later. Just relax and it will all come in time, promise! Unfortunately I can't promise that the chapters will be any less crazy... I thought this one wouldn't be as weird as the last one and then things just kinda got out of hand ;P ah well. You know how it goes.**

**Oh, yeah:**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Hey Jude by the Beatles... just thought I'd add that.**

**and I got the facts about Absinthe from TLC cooking. Go figure 144 proof that is intense, can't blame Cal for doing drunk Karaoke now can you ;) haha**

**Leave a review! They make me write faster and they make me happy. Win win.**

**-Traveler**


	7. Ideas

What's up? I'm back. Sorry about the long wait, school is really intense and a first priority so writing this story went on the back burner for a while. This chapter is a little short because only a few things needed to happen to get the story back to where it would have been if none of this had happened. Does that make sense? I mean that at the end of this chapter the story syncs up with the book Deathwish for a while. I'll let you know next chapter where I am picking up and what went down.

Thanks, as always, for reading. I hope you guys like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Rob Thurman.

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Chapter 7: Ideas

People make mistakes. It's a fact, universal and unchanging. But sometimes you make little ones and sometimes you make big ones and the one I had made was mother fucking huge. Just about as massive as the raging hangover I had.

I opened my eyes into slits and the meager amount of light coming through already felt like it was after my retinas with a pickaxe. I quickly snapped them shut. Je-sus. Why In the hell had I decided to drink what Goodfellow gave me?

I liked to think of myself as a pretty world weary son of bitch. I learned early on that people never really change. If you're an asshole, you're an asshole your whole damn life, maybe you just get better at hiding it, but you are still an asshole. So why in the world had I decided that Goodfellow was no longer a conniving grade 'A' asshole? Fuck if I know.

And then there was the singing. I could feel my face heat as I fought the desire to face dive in my pillow and pray for suffocation.

I had gotten up on stage at the bar I work at, the bar I would have to at some point return to, and I had sung the Beatles. I thought: hey, why not? It will cheer Nik up, the Beatles are his favorite band, he loves that shit. It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Yeah, FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS.

That was all you could say about that.

To top it all off I was not only totally mortified, I was also disturbed. I had been pretty damn good (from what I can remember… though let's face it drunk people always think they're the shit at karaoke, it's like a goddamn rule or something). I couldn't be sure if it was because I inherited my mother's honey and rum voice or if this was another unwanted gift from the time Darkling had spent ruining my life and keeping me prisoner in my own body.

All I could be sure of was that I sure as hell didn't want to be able to sing and whether or not I sang well that wouldn't save me from the righteous ass kicking Niko would give me for getting loaded while the Auphe were hot on our tails or the face melting shame I would feel if I ever got up the cojones to walk back into Ishiah's bar again.

On the bright side I now highly doubted we had to worry about clientele being afraid of me now… just that they'd laugh me right the fuck out of the building.

Great.

This is why I didn't do optimism.

As I was wallowing in my own idiocy, something I do a lot more than I'd want to own up to, Nik walked in.

"Get dressed. We're going running." And that was even less funny than my throbbing wounds, pounding headache, and mouth that tasted of eau de shit.

I briefly debated the pro's and con's of hurling myself out of the small window on the side of my room. Instant death vs slow death. Hmmm….

I lolled my head back over in my brother's direction and looked up at his way too cheerful to be good for me face. This was about to suck out the ass.

"Cyrano, I hope you have a nuke buried somewhere in those sweatpants because that is the only way you are getting me out of this bed." I groaned throwing an arm over my eyes. I regretted the words as soon as they left me lips. Niko sure as hell loved a good challenge, especially when they involved me, pain, and humiliation. Retrospect. What a bitch am I right?

I could practically hear the vicious smile tug at his lips as his hand settled gently over my arm.

"How wrong you are."

Yes, I was really really wrong (surprise, surprise. Insert sarcasm). Nik had kicked my ass out of bed and I didn't have much to say about it, well that's a lie, I had a lot to say about it…. Several terribly graphic, horribly vicious, anatomically incorrect, and creative linguistic things to say about it, but I knew better than to whine to an angry Niko. When it's an extra mile per sentence you tend to be pretty succinct.

I knew I should have chosen the damn window option.

I was dragging my feet like a B-movie zombie extra by the time I hauled my ass back up those stairs. Those many, many flights of stairs. Just thinking about it made me want to go curl up in my bed.

I collapsed gasping on our couch instead. It was closer.

"Cyrano, there's tough love and then there's just tough." I wheezed out. Despite the wounds and the hangover the run had been almost the same length as our usual one. I swear he had never heard of the phrase "cut some slack". What the hell were they teaching at college's these days anyways?

"Yes, well right now we are working on the tough part, the rest can wait." He said dryly before shoving a glass of water and two Tylenol into my limp hand. I quirked a suspicious eyebrow at the offered drugs. Niko was pretty tight fisted with the drugs, and I hadn't even asked for these ones. I had good cause for suspicion.

"Is this a test or are you really pushing the drugs?" I muttered as my breathing began to even out.

"You're wounded and hung over, I thought perhaps you might appreciate them. However, if that is not the case-" I threw the Tylenol down my throat before he could snatch them from he. Gift horses and their mouths and all that shit.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked after chugging the entire glass of water. Nik shook his head at my antics before getting down to the point. Forget beating around the bush, Niko went right at the thing with a goddamn chainsaw.

"We need a plan to deal with the Auphe." Suddenly wounds and hangovers didn't sound so bad. Reality, the bitch, slapped me across the face. I was always thinking about the Auphe, but I liked to pretend that I wasn't sometimes, to make things easier. But nothing would ever be easy for us. Nik and I both learned that back before we could crawl. Life isn't a beautiful thing to be enjoyed, it's a violent struggle that goes on pointlessly and then ends abruptly and without dignity.

No wonder I'm such a cheery guy.

"Yeah, the Auphe." I responded eloquently. What was there to say anyway? We were going to lose. We were going to die. I knew that, and no matter what I tried to convince myself of, I always knew that. Me coming back to Niko didn't mean I had faith that we could come out of this alive, it just meant that I recognized that Nik was going down with this ship no matter what I did about it, so we might as well spend whatever time we had left together.

"You can sense them, you can sense their gates, you can shut their gates. There must be something we can do with these facts." His voice belayed his frustration. We had too few pieces of one big ass puzzle. Niko was smart, as smart as they came, but even a genius couldn't think their way out of a hopeless situation. There was no way we were going to be able to see the solution… if there even was one. And I had serious doubts that there was. Sometimes there really is just no good answer, no way to win.

"Nik…" I trailed off as I rubbed the back of my neck. Didn't he know how hard I thought about this? Didn't he understand how many sleepless nights and distracted days I spent racking my brain for a solution? I had only left because I had known that there was no answer, there was no way to win. We were stuck in a bitch of a catch-22 and all we could do was put up, shut up, and give the hell up.

I hadn't come back because I thought we had a chance. I came back because if we were going to die we had to do it together, because Nik would follow me if I died. It took me awhile to accept it but there was no point in denying it any more. Cal and Nik, we were a package deal, and we would leave that way too. I suppressed a bitter laugh. Yeah, I spent my whole damn life dragging him down with me. That wasn't about to change now.

There was no point in telling him any of this though, it would only upset him. The poor bastard only had a few days left. Let him think we have a chance. A long time ago, on a cold beach in the wake of the Auphe attack, I decided that I would do my best to carry the load this time… the last time. And I would, even if this time the load was just the knowledge of our inevitable death. If brainstorming made him happy then, hell, I would brainstorm.

Unfortunately most of the storming would have to go on in Nik's head. He could whip up a mental hurricane whereas the best I could do was partially cloudy with a chance of rain.

I valiantly fought the stupid grin off my face.

"What's wrong with your face? You look like a constipated revenant" Goodfellow, ever the life ruiner, asked as he strolled into our apartment without so much as a knock. I groaned loudly and gave Nik an accusatory glare.

"Cyrano, you gave that bastard a key?" Worst idea of the century.

"Why Caliban keep up like that and I might think that you don't absolutely adore my presence." He snarked, a wily grin adorning his fox like face. I repeat: worst idea of the century.

"Yeah and Buddha forbid you actually have a right thought for once in your life." I ducked when he picked one of Nik's books off the table and threw it at my head.

"Good one." I smirked sarcastically, thoroughly enjoying how much I was annoying him. The bastard deserved it, he was the one who got me absolutely shit faced yesterday. Asshole, seriously who the hell just hands somebody absinthe and doesn't tell them what it is?

"You're just pissed that you have the tolerance of a 13 year old girl. Not my fault you had a sip of alcohol and went all American Idol on us." Goodfellow plunked down on the couch like he owned the place and put his feet up on our coffee table. His arms were crossed contentedly behind his head.

I scowled and seriously considered finding that book and chucking it back at him.

"I have great tolerance, but you gave me fucking absinthe and I haven't been drinking for the past millennia." I snapped back. "And so what? I sang the Beatles-" cue bright red blush of shame "-you would do some stupid shit too it you had a blood alcohol level of .5" So that might be an exaggeration but I had my dignity to defend! Well… not really but I liked to pretend. Denial is the shit and no one can tell me differently.

"Aw are you embarrassed? It was pretty good actually. Grow a unibrow and you could be one of Beatles band members." Goodfellow smirked, once again way too happy with himself… but this time he had gotten in a little over his head.

"What are you implying about the Beatles Robin?" Niko said impassively at my shoulder clutching his carelessly throw book. Haha, sucker. Time for someone else to endure the wrath of the legendary Niko.

Goodfellow took one look at my brother's face and decided that a change of subject was in order. Coward. Though honestly I couldn't really blame the guy. Who in their right mind wouldn't back down from Nik when he's pissed?

"Right, well uh…. So has anyone cleaned up the Auphe bodies at Rafferty's? We didn't have time to do it before." That wiped the smile right of my face. I had enjoyed (well enjoyed is a strong word…) the banter with Goodfellow because it was better than anything else on my mind. When your past present and future all suck the only thing you can do is bury your head in the sand ostrich style and deny the existence of anything but the suffocating sand.

Hm, I may have an issue with denial and avoidance… I gave it a moment of thought… nah.

"I called the vigil earlier, Sam and his buddies have hopefully rid the place of them by now." Nik's response suddenly made all the puzzle pieces fit. It was a fucking miracle, like randomly spinning a rubik's cube and getting all the colors to match up.

I felt my face split in a nasty dark grin as I got an idea. An awful idea, I had just gotten a wonderful awful idea.

* * *

Does anyone know where I shamelessly lifted that last line from? Kudos to you if you do!

Review! And let me know you still love me even after my prolonged absence... absence makes the heart grow fonder.... right? ;)

Hopefully the next chapter will be up much more quickly than this one! I hoped you guys liked it, sorry it was so short. So at the end of this one my story follows Deathwish until right after the Auphe are defeated. It will be more clear when I start the next chapter. I promise!

-Traveler


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